Holding On
by Morganeth Taren'drel
Summary: -Extended scenes for The Light- Jack pulled Daniel back from the edge, but what happened next?
1. Holding On

**AN**: This story hit me rather suddenly, and I'm not all that sure what I think of the end result, but encouragement from friends has convinced me to post it. So I hope you enjoy!

Thanks to **The** **Cleric 007** for taking the time to beta this story!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters from Stargate SG-1

**Holding On**

"None of it means anything..." Daniel said hollowly, staring down at the city and street below.

He saw the people going about their day and knew none of it mattered; no one noticed, no one even bothered to look up. He was standing on the edge and for all anyone cared he could jump.

"Daniel, why don't you come inside here?"

The archeologist shivered. "I tried," he muttered, voice dead. "It just goes away."

He couldn't hold onto the light, couldn't maintain the hope that before today hadn't been a problem. Daniel was drowning on dry land, the depth of his despair overwhelming all other thoughts.

"Okay. Then we'll get it back."

Was that supposed to be encouraging? "You can't get it back," he replied darkly.

There was no returning to what was, what had been. All Daniel could see was more of the same. Days and days, months to years of this pain. He couldn't live with that hollow feeling inside of him; it froze him to his core.

"Whatever's wrong, we'll fix it."

Again, was that supposed to be encouraging? "You don't even know what I'm talking about."

"No," the tone of voice was so familiar. "No, I don't. But come inside," it was pleading, hopeful, friendly.

Daniel blinked in surprise, the voice finally sinking in. "Jack?" The name sounded weak to his ears when for a second his head popped above the surface of the black. He glanced over his shoulder, away from the edge.

"Yeah," was Jack's simple reply as his hand clamped around Daniel's upper arm.

"What?" he blinked away the fog for a brief moment and felt the cold metal of the railing at his back, the rough concrete beneath bare feet as he stood on the edge of his balcony, willing his hands to just let go.

"It's alright," Jack said, hand never letting go of Daniel's arm. "I've got you." His right arm wrapped around Daniel's chest as he hauled him back from the edge.

Daniel allowed himself to be dragged back inside his apartment, feeling himself shiver from the hollow cold he hadn't noticed until Jack's warm arms pulled him back. He dropped heavily on the edge of the couch, arms wrapping protectively around his midsection as he pulled in on himself.

"Daniel," Jack's voice didn't have its usual warning note to it. "C'mon, talk to me."

He shook his head, leaning heavily against the arm of the couch. "Just go..." he muttered, pulling his legs up in a desperate attempt to make himself as small as possible. He wasn't sure if it was to try and conserve what little heat his body seemed to have or to fight off the gnawing ache deep in his chest. He couldn't pull into himself tight enough.

Jack's hand clamped firmly down on his shoulder. "Now that's not going to happen," he told Daniel sternly. "Doc's going to want to take a look at you," Jack continued, pulling slightly to try and get Daniel moving.

The younger man slapped Jack's hand away. "I'm fine." He didn't think he'd ever told a bigger lie but he wanted to believe.

"Daniel!" Jack barked his name sharply and he blinked to find himself staring the Colonel directly in the eyes. "You were standing on the edge of your balcony! You're not fine!"

Was that fear he heard in Jack's voice?

"Just go away," he tried again, pulling his eyes away.

"No."

"Jack," he'd wanted his tone to be warning but it came off as pleading.

"Aht!" Jack barked immediately. "Daniel, I'll carry you if I have to!"

Daniel looked away; he knew Jack wasn't bluffing, he'd do what he threatened. But why couldn't he just walk away? Couldn't he see the pain he was causing? His presence was only making it worse. Daniel shut his eyes, tucking his chin tightly against his chest.

He could have sworn he heard Jack sigh before moving away and he let himself believe for a moment that he'd won. Daniel didn't feel any better for his 'victory'; that gaping hole inside of him bled all the harder for pushing his friend away. His emotions were a double-edged sword, too painful to be around anyone, too lonely to go without.

The hand on the back of Daniel's neck made him jump sharply.

"Easy, Daniel."

"Jack," he reached out a hand, gripping the Colonel's coat sleeve tightly. Relief rushed into the emptiness but couldn't hope to fill the hole. "What's happening?" he asked shivering again.

"I don't know," Jack admitted, squeezing Daniel's neck reassuringly. "We're going to find out."

"I don't want to move," he said simply, shutting his eyes tightly. If it had all just vanished Daniel felt he'd be fine, maybe it would ease the pain.

"I know," Jack said and it truly sounded like he did.

Daniel eyed the Colonel for a moment, remembering the loss Jack had suffered. They both knew that void all too well but that didn't tell Daniel why it was happening now. It was a fight to keep his thinking rational; he might not have been on the literal edge but the proverbial one was just waiting for him to fall.

The archeologist blinked out of his daze when the heavy weight of a coat came to rest on his shoulders. A tremor ran down his spine as he tried to pull the material closer to him. "Cold..." he mumbled into the coat.

"I noticed," Jack commented, crouching down in front of him. "C'mon, put on your shoes, we need to get back to the SGC."

Daniel winced looking over his knees to the floor where Jack had none too subtly placed his running shoes. He stared at them for a long moment, telling his legs to move but not getting a response. Daniel wanted to trust Jack, to believe there was something that could be done to ease the weight bearing down on him. At the same time it was all so much effort and his body wasn't obeying his call.

Jack slapped Daniel's right knee, the contact just enough to pull his foot off the edge of the couch. With great reluctance, Daniel unfolded himself a little, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes even as he forced one foot into his shoe.

He allowed Jack to pull him to his feet and fumbled to get his arms inside of his coat. "We're going to figure this out," Jack assured, his right hand coming again to rest on the back of Daniel's neck. It was a grounding presence, a sense of strength Daniel clung to, to keep himself from falling.

In the core of his mind, Daniel was terrified that wouldn't be enough.

Thanks for Reading!

Morganeth Taren'drel


	2. Letting Go

**AN**: So I guess I lied when I posted Holding On, I thought it was just going to be that one shot. But I give you a second installment, and I'm working on a third. I hope you enjoy!

Many thanks to **The Cleric 007** for editing.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters from Stargate SG-1

**Letting Go**

Daniel stared listlessly out the passenger's window. He hadn't said a word to Jack since leaving his apartment. The brief moment of 'clear' thinking he'd experienced was fast fading to be replaced by pain; it gnawed at his mind, tore through his chest and made breathing difficult.

He shut his eyes tightly against reality, it hurt to much to be real and he prayed to simply slip away in the desperate hope that when he came back too things would be better. Daniel didn't think things could ever be 'better' again. He tried not to think about it, he tried not to think at all; it only made the pain worse.

Jack spoke to him infrequently; Daniel couldn't bring himself to pay attention to the words but managed to catch the tone. He thought Jack was just as uncomfortable speaking as he was with the silence.

Opening watering eyes the young archeologist again focused on the passing road. The white line blurred and appeared to weave like a living snake. -_I could just open the door..._ - he thought darkly -_jump out, end it all_- The thoughts came to him out of the depth, a flash realization that his body wasn't about to act on, at least he didn't think it would.

Daniel was shook out of his stupor when he felt his hand close around the handle.

"Daniel!" Jack's voice barked, the sound of his name punctuated by the door lock engaging.

"Hurts..." he mumbled, shifting futility on his seat to try and alleviate the pain.

Jack's hand came to rest heavily on Daniel's shoulder, he stiffened under the contact but the Colonel didn't withdraw his hand. When it did finally disappear Daniel shivered and pulled in tighter on himself.

A knock on his window brought Daniel's hollow blue eyes up. He was confused for a long minute as to how Jack had got outside of the truck; not to mention why they'd stopped.

"C'mon Daniel," Jack said pulling opened the door, his left hand moving to support the archeologist as his support disappeared.

"You can't do anything," he told his friend darkly pushing weakly against Jack's chest.

Jack bodily hauled Daniel from the truck arms remaining around the younger man to keep him on his feet. "Doesn't mean I'm not going to try," the Colonel's voice was firm.

Daniel stumbled forward trying to shrug off Jack's hands. He didn't want to be near to people, didn't want to feel that connection; to think about the void that filled him. It was more pronounced now as the pain gnawed at his reserves. He could hear himself breathing hard as he leaned heavily against the elevator wall. He had no memory of making it in there.

Blinking rapidly Daniel saw Jack standing in front of him; could see his lips moving, the intensity in his brown eyes but none of it sunk in. He was desperate for relief in whatever form it would come. The light was gone and he was loosing his tenuous hold on; his breathing becoming too rapid and he began to feel light headed.

"Daniel," a new voice spoke his name and the worry he heard there managed to break through.

Glancing up Daniel found Janet standing in front of him; her expression was greatly concerned as she rested a hand on his shoulder. He took one look at her and shut his eyes again, it didn't matter, she couldn't help, nothing could.

"Daniel," she said his name again he voice carrying threw the pain. "I need you to calm down, I'm going to help you."

He jumped when he felt a needle prick the inside of his arm; shooting a distrustful look at the doctor and Jack.

"Just relax Daniel," she smiled though he didn't see it in her eyes. "We'll figure this out."

Slowly Daniel felt the pain ease as a rush swept over his head, making him feel disconnected from his body. His rapid breathing began to slow and he felt his muscles relax. Jack stepped forward to support him as he was laid back on the hospital bed.

Daniel could still feel the deep chasm in his core, as he let go and fell in.

Thanks for Reading!

Morganeth Taren'drel


	3. Coming Back to the Light

**AN**: So I'm thinking I'm actually truly done this story. I'm a little unsure about this final chapter, since all the conversation comes directly from the episode. But I'm hoping seeing these scenes from Daniel's point of view will prove interesting. I hope you enjoy!

May thanks to **The Cleric 007** for editing so quickly!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters from Stargate SG-1

**Coming Back to the Light**

"Well try!"

Jack's voice pierced the blackness and was the first thing Daniel heard as he weakly gasped for air. The pain rushed back in to fill the void, hollowing him out, making ever edge razor sharp. He couldn't move for fear of plummeting over the edge or tearing himself opened.

Confusion rode the edge of the whirlpool but he didn't care enough to try and understand what had happened too him. All he could remember was being without pain; it had happened, he didn't know how but the memory of it remained. And that moment of relief, no matter how brief, made living with it again a renewed hell.

Slowly his body shifted, rolling onto his side pulling knees tightly against his chest. It did nothing to ease the pain.

Daniel felt eyes watching him, the sensation penetrating the darkness. He scrambled on shaking limbs, trying to put distance between himself and this stranger. Blue eyes reluctantly opened to look around his surroundings; vaguely he recognized the temple he was sitting in. He had no memory of coming back to the planet but couldn't bring himself to wonder why it had happened.

Daniel saw a boy standing at the far end of the room where a strange light glowed. His face became familiar as the seconds ticked past. _Loren_, his name floated to the surface of Daniel's addled brain. The boy offered him a tentative smile, taking a careful step towards him.

The archeologist backed away, one hand raised to ward him off. He fell heavily onto the stairs that led up to the Stargate and quickly pulled in on himself. Daniel tucked his head into his arms and just tried to forget, to push it all away.

"Daniel Jackson," he heard his name spoken by a friendly voice.

"Yep," Jack said and Daniel felt him sit heavily beside him. "Had to bring him back." Daniel didn't bother to raise his head. "It was the only thing that was gonna keep him alive."

-_Why didn't you just let me go?_-_­_ he thought darkly; at least in death there was no pain.

"Sir, how long were you gone?" Sam asked.

Jack's shoulder brushed lightly against Daniel's and he was surprised to find he didn't want to pull away from the contact. "Few hours," Jack said easily. "Hammond tried to contact you."

"He did not," Teal'c intoned calmly.

It was Loren who spoke up then. "He did. I heard his voice."

"Where were we?" Carter asked, sounding very confused.

Daniel remained as he was, hunched and closed in but he listened, surprised to find the sound of his friends' voices was actually easing the pain. It was so very slow; he was afraid at first it was only his imagination, some wild hope that would soon be dashed yet again.

"In there," Loren said vaguely.

Sam let out a frustrated breath. "I can't explain it, Sir."

"Fraiser thinks we're all addicted to something here that alters our brain chemistry," Jack explained and Daniel found himself listening intently. "And dollars to doughnuts it's that damn light."

Daniel remembered the light, he'd lost hold of the it and all he'd been left with was darkness. He shivered at the memory, more than a little surprised to find the darkness was actually fading.

"Oh I don't see how that's possible," Sam replied.

"Hey," the Colonel said sharply. "You knew, didn't you?"

"No," Loren denied immediately.

"That's why you're not allowed in there," Jack continued undeterred.

Loren's voice sounded incredibly small. "My father said I was too young."

"Uh-uh," Jack could do unconvinced better than anyone.

"Sir, if it's the light itself then how did Daniel recover just by arriving on the planet?" Sam asked, her tone confused.

"I don't know Major," the Colonel said roughly. "But I want you to find out. Otherwise we're stuck here indefinitely and that's just not acceptable."

Daniel wasn't so sure how he felt about it; as the pain continued to ease he couldn't picture leaving again. If that's what caused this nightmare in the first place, Daniel wasn't eager to experience it again.

"Ahh screw it!" Jack said suddenly, getting back to his feet. "We're shutting that thing off."

"No," Loren's voice was panicked.

Jack's voice was firm. "You stay here."

"What are we looking for, Sir?" Sam's voice grew distant as she followed Jack from the room.

Alone once more, Daniel breathed deeply, feeling more like himself than he had in what felt like a very long time. The darkness continued to fade inch by inch, filling him with an almost euphoric sensation as his brain kicked back into gear. His memories were fuzzy at best; vaguely Daniel remember shouting at the General though he wasn't entirely sure why.

Finally raising his head, Daniel glanced around the temple. His vision was still blurred but, he realized quickly, he didn't have his glasses. Rubbing both hands down his face, Daniel tried to put it all together, to figure out what he needed to do first. Blue eyes flickered to Loren who was dividing his attention between Daniel and the room with the light.

He pulled his eyes away from the flickering glow, not willing to chance being pulled in even from this distance. They needed supplies. Getting to his feet, Daniel strode over to the DHD and quickly punched in the address for Earth.

Thanks for Reading!

Morganeth Taren'drel


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